please, heart, ctrl + z then ctrl + A, shift + del yourself.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
taking enough breaks for the day.
I should not be here, I mean writing on my blog and shit. However, I kind of missed writing and it kills me to know that it has been almost a year since I opened this blog. And well, I kind of realised something so big...
Touché really needs some re-vamping. And I mean it.
Maybe I should post my thoughts more often, update my readers - nonexistent or not - of my social life and such...of how I cope with my studies and of my rants about my current professor who seriously needs some beating from my teacher in high school (who I happened to learned to love the hard way meh).
Most of all, I think I'm considering making new codes for my blog's layout. Jesus Christ, I just realised how much I missed making codes and editing photos and even photography. Ugh, I think school work eats most of my time.
And speaking of school work, like I said, I should not have been here.
I have a long exam this Tuesday and God knows how I really want to have a high score to improve my grade. It is just the second exam but hey, I do not want to be delayed. I want to graduate on time and attend medical school with my friends. But curse you, hell. I think I've changed. I've lost my study habits and I realised that I hung out with friends more often - and quite longer actually, longer than my normal sleeping hours. I know it is unhealthy but in my defense, I think it is because I have been so pressured to attain something big since...well, not to brag but I think I am quite an achiever back in my high school and grade school days. Ugh. Thinking about these kind of shit frustrates me but who do I have to blame? I can only blame myself.
Well anyway, enough of it. I am such an optimistic person to even think of such things.
I just have to...smile and wave at every problem I encounter :)
So lately, I have lessened my hanging out hours at our dorm's study area.
Blame Wattpad.
No actually...thank it.
I'm hooked up to reading again and I'm really grateful. I'm back to my old self - the one before Kpop, the one before love caused a ruckus in my brain, confusing me and doing all those shit to me. And I'm kinda back to writing again. Well not entirely.
You see, I have been thinking of writing two stories. The plots' been drafted; all I need to do is to start writing. And that's the problem.
I don't know where or how to start it.
Anyhow, I still have to adjust with school since my curriculum kinda squeezed in a new required subject: Chemistry. Damn. I suck at this one.
So this is a video that was dedicated to me by a Pinay acquaintance from Vienna. Her voice is damn fine and she's so pretty. I'm actually thinking of going bisexual on her. But that's not gonna happen. Anyhow, I'm currently spazzing about her in my head because my sister's spazzing with her friends through Skype.
As of now, I'm a bored duck. However, I've been preoccupied with going back and forth between my two Facebook RPs and downloading movies, a precautionary measure in case I get bored in the dorms or I don't have anything else to study on. Unfortunately, the latter reason might be very impossible since I'd have Chemistry 16 - both Lecture and Laboratory - by next semester and I know how very weak I am at this subject. If I'd have a choice, I'd rather take Physics instead of this but Chemistry is in our curriculum. Damn shit, I have to take it.
It's funny though. I tell myself I'm bored but I could still do lots of things. I have a list actually and here it goes:
1. Exercise
I am a fat duck. They say, however, that I'm not, I just have to lessen down my carbs and tone my muscles. But I ain't got time for that if my mom tells me to go out of the house almost everyday. We eat out too. So technically, the fault is hers. LOL
2. Subbing a fanmade video I really want to watch
So there's this fanmade video from Youtube that I downloaded. The subs are in CC however so I had to copy them and typeset it. I don't know how to encode so I just leave it to .ass file format.
3. Read
This task is in vain. My friend has my 50 Shades of Grey.
4. Playing the guitar
So I plan to make covers of some songs I like but I'm too lazy to have a Soundcloud account. Sucks, right?
5. Sleep
Check.
6.Finish this story I'm writing
I have no inspiration and I don't want thoughts of THIS CERTAIN GUY to invade my head AGAIN so I'm not going to write. Not yet.
This is dedicated to a friend, a blockmate, and to the best roommate I ever had.
I've known her when I was in elementary. We never were close in our first few years together. However in our last two years as 'kids,' you could say that we kind of belonged to the same group of friends. Sadly, we had to attend different high schools thus we never had the chance to strengthen our bonds.
So after years of not really having a decent conversation as friends - or probably acquaintances in her case - I took advantage of her passing the same university and asked her through Twitter and Facebook, "Hey, which dorm are you trying to get into?" She replied, "Lampirong, you?" I said I was trying to get into a different freshman hall and that was the end of our convo. Anyhow, I still laughably remember one of her tweets that goes somewhat like this: "May the gods of Lampirong accepts me as their dormer." Or something like that. Haha. Whatever. That was genuinely funny, just so you know. In the end, we're roommates. I was ecstatic like woah. Who wouldn't be when you're actually friends - though not that close - with your new roomie? Was it a surprise dear fate? Thank you sfm. Not only that. As it turns out, we're blockmates. So we go to the same classes everyday. I had no heart to wake her whenever we have early classes because she sleeps like a puppy. She actually claims, however, that my annoying K-pop ringtone wakes her up. Thank you so much Big Bang, for sparing me from the guilt.
As you can see now, I've known her for about 10 and a half years, six of which were spent with her as in, within her reach. Though we may actually have some arguments - which was mostly because she underestimates herself too much and well, because of my immaturity - I don't actually believe that they will stop us from becoming friends, closer ones. I am expecting nothing, however.
So, this very long blog entry - the longest I have since I started blogging - isn't trying to make you feel guilty and have second thoughts on leaving us and the university. Albeit reluctant on letting you go, I still want you to be happy. I still want you to follow your dreams, your aspirations. Always remember though, Just be yourself. Don't mind criticisms; don't let them get into your head. They will just pull you down. I know how insecure you are. Change that. Degrading yourself will get you nowhere. In the real world, you have to be someone who believes in herself, who believes that she could surpass other people that have achieved more than her. If you think that you are no better than anyone else, remember Albert Einstein, an autistic, remember Helen Keller, a blind writer, and Stephen Hawking. They have flaws but they became greater than most of us.
Don't sulk, Lesh. You don't suck.
You're beautiful, intelligent, quirky, talented, and you have a big heart. What's lacking is your confidence. Believe in yourself, girl. Them bitches won't surpass you.
And guys? The right one will come soon. Not so soon, but soon. Wait for him. For now, enjoy your single life. Stay happy. Stay fresh. Don't look for your guy; your effort will sometimes go to waste. Because this world isn't something out of mangas and other cliché-plotted books.
True love comes when least expected.
Let your man find you.
So just sit pretty on your throne. I know he'll come soon enough :)
So this is how it ends? Me liking him from afar, watching him flirt with those girls and hang out with a group of people I never belonged to?
This was not what I wanted. I never really liked you from the start. You were that cute guy I never would've thought of liking. Heck, I'd rather like your friends than like you. There was something about you that I never wanted in a guy. Being quite a chick boy? Maybe. Being someone who looks indecisive? Not quite. Bottomline is, I never wanted you to be a part of my A-list, my crush list. I really found it troublesome dealing with your kind.
So how is it that I find myself thinking about you lately? It's confusing me, annoying me. I want my inner self to kick you out of my mind. I can't deal with this shit anymore. And that shit is YOU.
